Character(s)/Pairing(s): Jack/Ianto, David, Mica, Steven.
Spoilers: COE Character Spoilers. For the three of you that still don't know.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Property of the BBC, etc. etc. ad nauseum. Except Riley and Amelia, they're mine. Mwahahaha.
Summary: Jack Harkness & Ianto Jones: Alien Fighters, World Savers, Babysitters?
Note(s): This is set in the As Long As I Have 'verse, but you really don't have to have read that for this to make sense. Thanks to pinkfairy727 for the prompt. To erin_giles, tazza_di_jo & ally_p_x for reading & feedback. & to aranellaurelote for the beta. (I swear these notes get longer!)
Sometimes Ianto wished he didn’t have a sister. This was one of those times. It wasn’t even as though Rhiannon had given him any say in the matter, just turned up on his doorstep with David with his leg in plaster and Mica in the back of her friends’ car being taken off to some dancing club thing that Ianto hadn’t paid much attention to.
“Please,” Rhiannon had said, as though he was getting a choice. “It’s only for one night. He was meant to be away at a football tournament but he can hardly go like that.”
Ianto had dared to ask why Johnny couldn’t look after his son and Rhiannon had scowled at him. “He’s away on a job. And don’t make a fuss, you complain enough when he’s out of work and I won’t have it, Ianto Jones. Now he’s got his overnight bag and some DVDs to watch and I’ll pick him up tomorrow afternoon. All you need to do is keep an eye on him, he’ll be no trouble. Give him dinner and make sure he does his homework because I’ve already had letters from two of his teachers about him never handing it in and I don’t want another.”
And then she was gone.
David had hobbled through to the living room on his crutches, leaving Ianto to carry through his rucksack and wonder how he’d been roped into this. He threw the bag at Jack, who was hovering at the foot of the stairs. “Put that in the spare room.”
Jack just laughed.
Ianto walked back into the living room and stared at David. “How did you break your leg?” he asked, for lack of anything else to say.
“Mica’s fault,” David said, not looking up from the telly. He’d put the football on.
“You can turn that back over,” Ianto said. “Jack’s waiting for a film to come on.”
David shrugged. “Not my problem.”
Ianto was very glad that he didn’t have children. He was also not going to argue with David. He sat down on the other sofa, picked up the book that he had been reading when the doorbell rang, and opted to leave Jack to fight his own battles.
Ianto smiled to himself when Jack came back into the room and frowned at the television. He watched Jack cross the room, take the remote control from beside David and flick the channel back. And he waited for the row.
“Oi!” David complained. “I was watching that.”
“You’ve got homework to do,” Jack said, and sat beside Ianto.
David sent a vicious glare in Jack’s direction. “Wanker.”
Ianto’s eyes widened as he looked up over his book. Jack’s jaw had dropped a little. Ianto closed his book. “What did you just say?”
“I said he’s a wanker.”
“Where did you learn that?”
David rolled his eyes. “Dad says it all the time.”
“No,” David shrugged his shoulders. “But he should. ‘Cause he is.”
“I am not!” Jack said, folding his arms and looking as much the moody teenager as David was. “Go and do your homework and if you finish all of it I might let you watch the football.”
“It’ll have finished by then. Don’t be out of order.”
“I’m being fair. Go on, go. We’re letting you stay in our house, the least you can do is let me watch my television.”
“Technically it’s Uncle Ianto’s television, and I didn’t ask to stay here you know.”
“Oh, well you can go home then,” Jack said, looking smug. “See how far you get, hop-a-long.”
“You’re so annoying,” David scowled.
Jack raised an eyebrow. “And you aren’t?”
Ianto continued to watch the two of them argue for another ten minutes. He refused to get involved, despite both of them trying to bring him
into the argument. He knew it would eventually resolve itself, and he was desperate to stay out of it.
He was right, of course, eventually the argument ended. Jack sulked into his own book as David watched the football and Ianto tried to figure out how he’d avoid getting into trouble with Rhiannon if David didn’t have his homework done by the time she arrived to get him.
Jack agreed to babysit Steven without actually asking Ianto. It shouldn’t have surprised him, and it wasn’t as though Ianto would have refused anyway. He might have preferred having time to himself with Jack, but with Alice and Steven still living further away than Ianto’s family, Jack didn’t get to spend as much time with grandson as he would have liked.
They left Gwen in charge of things at the base, with Riley and Amelia complaining that they wouldn’t get any of the weekend off. Ianto reminded them that he and Jack worked nine weekends out of ten and deserved a break once in a while and they shrugged off their complaints.
Alice was going away with her new boyfriend (and wasn’t Jack happy about that?) and so Steven would be spending the whole weekend with them. They had met Alice and Steven from the train station on the Friday afternoon. The Boyfriend, as Jack had taken to calling him, hovered a short distance away waiting for them to say goodbye. Apparently Alice hadn’t deemed it wise for the men in her life to meet each other, which, Ianto thought as he spotted the glare Jack was sending in the man’s direction, was probably good idea. He gave his lover a sly poke in the ribs.
Alice hugged Steven goodbye and gave both him and Jack a warning to behave. Ianto got an affectionate peck on the cheek and she was off. Steven bounded into the SUV and Ianto tried not to sulk about being relegated to the back seat.
Babysitting Steven wasn’t all that bad. He was old enough to take care of himself for the most part with dressing and eating and going to the toilet and all that, but young enough not to have developed the serious attitude problem that was creeping over David.
They took him bowling and for dinner in the Bay, then Ianto helped him with his homework while Jack flitted between unhelpful suggestions and questions about Alice’s new boyfriend.
“How long has your mom been dating this guy then?” Jack asked.
Steven shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know,” he looked back to Ianto. “I don’t understand what the question means.”
“Multiplying is the same as times-ing,” Ianto said, Steven nodded.
“Is he alright?” Jack said, interrupting again.
“He bought me a DS,” Steven said. “And he takes Mum dancing and stuff.”
Jack nodded. Steven picked up his pencil and began working out the next sum in the margin of his homework book.
“What does he do?” Jack asked. “What’s his job?”
“He’s a fireman! Isn’t that cool?” Steven beamed. “I want to be a fireman when I grow up.”
Jack’s mumble of “you wanted to be a pilot a few months ago”, went ignored as Steven turned to Ianto.
“How do you do nine times seven?”
“Oh,” Ianto smiled. “Nines are easy. I’ll show you,” he said, and held up his hands.
All in all, Steven was well behaved and quiet and not much trouble at all, especially not compared to his grandfather.
At least, until they went to bed.
Jack’s head was pillowed on Ianto’s chest and he was just close to drifting off, listening to the sounds of a storm raging outside, when their bedroom door crept open and he opened his eyes to see Steven standing in the doorway. “I don’t like thunder,” he said, looking small and frightened.
Right, Ianto thought, and tried to nudge Jack awake. Jack grunted in his sleep but didn’t wake, or move. Ianto glanced over at Steven. “It’s really nothing to be afraid of,” he said.
“It’s loud,” Steven told him. “I really don’t like it.”
Ianto thought for a minute, trying to remember what their mother had done to calm them during thunderstorms. He shoved Jack unceremoniously off his chest and sat up. Jack grunted again and Ianto slid from the bed. “Hot chocolate?” he asked Steven.
Steven stood still, shaking slightly in the doorway. Ianto put an arm around him awkwardly. “Come on, your Uncle Jack’s snoring is a lot scarier than thunder.”
He glanced down at the small boy, who was forcing a weak smile. Ianto steered him down the stairs and set about making the hot chocolate. Steven sat at the table, looking like a startled rabbit when the thunder sounded again.
“Do you want one of Uncle Jack’s favourite biscuits?”
Steven shook his head.
Ianto resisted the urge to sigh. “What does your mum normally do if there’s a thunderstorm?”
“I...” Steven looked a little embarrassed as he glanced up at Ianto. “She gives me a cuddle and I sleep in with her.”
Ianto smiled and handed him his hot chocolate. “Nothing wrong with that, Steven.”
“It’s babyish,” he said, frowning. “Ianto?”
“Don’t tell Uncle Jack I’m scared. He’ll think I’m a wimp.”
Ianto sat at the table with him. “I won’t. Do you want to stay up or go back to bed?”
“Can I sleep in with you and Uncle Jack?”
Ianto hesitated, then nodded. “If you want to.”
They drank their hot chocolate in silence, listening to the storm. Steven jumped whenever the thunder sounded, but Ianto chose not to
An hour later they were back in bed, Steven had wriggled between Ianto and Jack, while Jack slept on obliviously. The storm outside was quieting and, as Ianto struggled to get comfortable with less than a third of the duvet and Steven fidgeting in his sleep, he hoped that the weather would brighten the next day.
Ianto was sat at his desk in the base when Rhiannon called to tell him Mica was being sent home sick from school and asking him to babysit. He glanced over at Jack, who was sat on Riley’s desk loudly voicing his opinion on the other man’s new haircut. It had been a quiet day, and Rhiannon sounded pretty desperate, so he agreed.
Jack hadn’t raised any objections – and Ianto wouldn’t have paid much attention if he had – and so they had gone together to collect Mica from school. Jack threaded his fingers through Ianto’s as they walked through the door and Ianto surprised himself by not pulling away. The school secretary raised an eyebrow as they walked in, and Mica, who was looking quite pale and tearful, perked up at the sight of them.
“That’s my uncle,” she told the secretary, then turned to Ianto. “Are you taking me home?”
Ianto gave her a small, slightly awkward smile. “You’re going to come to our house for a little while.”
Mica frowned. “Where’s Mam?”
“She’s working, sweetheart,” Jack said, stepping forward with a grin. “But she’s going to pick you up later. Uncle Ianto might even make you soup if you ask nicely.”
Mica glanced up at Jack thoughtfully for a moment and then held out her arms to him. He lifted her with ease and she rested her head on his shoulder. Ianto smiled at them and turned to the secretary. “Okay to take her then?”
The secretary nodded. “Just sign her out,” she smiled. “I hope you feel better soon, Mica.”
Mica nodded almost pathetically from her place in Jack’s arms. Ianto followed the two of them out to the car and watched as Jack lifted Mica into the back seat. She buckled her seatbelt and looked at them expectantly. “Can we go now?”
Twenty minutes later Ianto left Mica and Jack snuggled on the sofa watching television and moved to the kitchen to heat some soup. It didn’t take him long to get the soup ready, and when he moved back into the living room Mica had moved from her place on the sofa to sit on Jack’s knee.
She gave her uncle a weak smile as he came through the door. “Jack says I can paint his fingernails once I’ve eaten my soup,” she told him.
Ianto raised an eyebrow. “Does he now?”
Mica nodded. Jack, to Ianto’s bemusement, did too.
“Go on then,” Jack told her, “Sit and eat up. You’ll feel much better.”
Mica was quick to eat the soup, and quicker to get a small bottle of pink nail polish from her schoolbag. Jack, Ianto realised as Mica held his large hand in her small one and painted more of the finger than the nail, had been banking on Mica feeling too groggy to still want to paint his nails once she had finished eating.
To his credit, though, Jack sat and let her attempt to paint each one of his fingernails and didn’t comment on the colour or how difficult it was going to be to get it off before work the next day. Mica soon tired and became even more off target with the nail polish, something that Ianto was thankful for, as he had the sneaking suspicion that he was next.
She settled tiredly into the crook of Jack’s arm and began to doze off, she fought to keep her eyes open as she drifted off, but she was soon sleeping. Ianto laughed quietly at the sight of Jack’s hand as he brought it gently around to rest on Mica’s left shoulder. Jack gave him a half hearted glare before turning his attention to the television.
It was much later, in the early evening, when Rhiannon came to collect Mica, and as his niece hugged him goodbye, Ianto had to admit that babysitting wasn’t always that bad. He watched as Mica turned to hug Jack, and Rhiannon stifled a giggle at the sight of his hands.
“You said thank you to your uncle for looking after you, Mica?”
Mica nodded. “Thank you Uncle Ianto. Thank you Uncle Jack.”
Jack’s startled expression sent a grin creeping across Ianto’s face, one that matched his expression later that night as he snuck up behind Jack in the bathroom while his lover scrubbed furiously at his bright pink fingers. “Enjoy that?” he asked Jack.
“Little girls mask their evil with cute,” Jack said with a frown. Ianto had to agree.
Gwen had practically begged them both to babysit her six week old son so that she could have some alone time with Rhys and one decent night’s sleep. Ianto had suggested she ask their parents, but her parents were away on holiday and Gwen would rather stick pins in her eyes than go to Rhys’ parents for babysitting help, so eventually Ianto had caved. Or rather Jack had whispered depraved promises in his ear in exchange for agreeing with Gwen. Ianto later found out that Jack had already told Gwen they’d do it.
It should have been a fairly easy ride for Ianto, really. Jack had some experience with babies and most of what Duncan Williams did was sleep anyway. The only problem was that every time Jack held Duncan, the baby cried.
Ianto, who had little experience of babies, could barely manage a nappy change and was not into the idea of snuggling with an infant was not enjoying his afternoon at all. They’d agreed to have Duncan over night, which would doubtless mean a sleepless night and so far he had cried for a bottle, cried to be changed (twice) and cried for attention, only to cry more when Jack went anywhere near him. The only joy Ianto could take from it all was the look on Jack’s face when his charm failed to impress baby Duncan.
He found himself sat on the sofa with the baby in the crook of his arm, watching the small boy drift off to sleep. Now that he was settled, it was almost enough to make him retract his dislike for babies. He didn’t even hate them, or children, they were just something odd and foreign to him, something he couldn’t quite figure out, but like this, quiet and asleep, they were really quite nice.
That was until Jack sat beside him on the sofa.
Duncan began to howl and Ianto glared at Jack. “Do you actually want to spend the whole night on your own while I try and settle him? Go away for a bit. When he’s asleep I’ll tell you.”
“I don’t get it,” Jack said, standing up as Ianto rocked Duncan in his arms gently, willing him to settle back down. “I’m good with kids normally.”
Ianto rolled his eyes.
“Okay, I’m not bad with kids. I’ve got kids!”
“Kids?” Ianto interjected. “Plural?”
“No,” Jack said. “Not that I know of. But I’ve got a daughter and a grandson and I’ve been around other people’s babies and I’ve never had this reaction before.”
“He probably hates your pheromones.”
“He doesn’t! Does he?”
“I don’t know Jack,” Ianto said, rolling his eyes again. He looked down at Duncan, who was whimpering slightly in Ianto’s arms. “I’m not psychic.”
“I think Rhys has turned him against me,” Jack said, without a hint of humour.
Duncan curled one hand into a tiny fist and pressed it against Ianto’s chest. He seemed to be calming down and Ianto silently willed Jack to stay at a distance. “And why would he do that?”
“Because he thinks I’ll corrupt Duncan because I’m not Welsh.”
“I don’t think that’s why he thinks you’re going to corrupt his son,” Ianto told him. He stood carefully and carried Duncan over to the Moses basket they had put in the corner. He placed the baby into it gently, remembering Rhiannon talking him through putting David to bed when he was fifteen and keen to earn a tenner for babysitting. “Come on,” he said to Jack, “You can’t terrify Duncan from the kitchen.”
He checked that the baby monitor was turned on and then led the way out of the room.
Had that been the only real incident during Duncan’s overnight stay Ianto would probably have not found it such an ordeal, but by the third time they were woken during the night to deal with a crying baby Ianto was prepared to go and get a vasectomy just to make sure that he would never have a baby. He was never entirely certain when Jack was joking and there had once, apparently, been mention of Jack having been pregnant. Babysitting Duncan had definitely convinced Ianto he never wanted children of his own. Babysitting once and a while was one thing, he thought has he changed Duncan’s nappy (there was no point Jack getting up to deal with Duncan’s tears, so Ianto didn’t attempt to wake him) but doing this every single day? No thank you.
He’d stick to Jack and only having the kind of sleepless nights that involved rampant sex.
And One Time They Said No
Ianto had Jack pinned to the bed when his phone rang and he turned to look at his trousers, abandoned on the floor with his mobile chirping out one of those factory settings ringtones from the pocket.
Jack growled. Actually growled. “Ignore it,” he said, and Ianto had to admit it sounded like a good idea to him.
He turned his attention back to Jack, but the phone didn’t let up and eventually he climbed off Jack and padded across the room in his underwear, aware of Jack’s eyes on him as he did so. He fished the phone out of his pocket and glanced at it. Four missed calls. Rhiannon.
He sighed, but made no attempt to call her back and was about to put the phone on the bedside table when it rang again. He answered it reluctantly. “Hello?”
“Ianto!” Rhiannon practically shouted down the phone. “I’ve been calling and calling.”
“I know,” Ianto said, “I’ve been, um, busy.”
“What are you doing? Are you properly busy or just busy with something that doesn’t matter?”
Ianto glanced at Jack, but before he could answer Rhiannon, an arm snaked around his waist and pulled him onto the bed. He yelled out a protest as he tumbled over and was unable to fight his lover as Jack straddled his hips.
“Ianto?” Rhiannon asked. “Are you there?”
“Yes,” Ianto said, fighting to get free. “Yeah, sorry.” He looked up at Jack. “Get off me,” he mouthed.
Jack just laughed, shaking his head.
“Right, well are you busy or not, Ianto?”
“Quite busy,” he mumbled as Jack began tracing kisses across his collarbone.
“Busy doing what?”
“Stuff?” Ianto said weakly. Jack was working hard to prevent any coherent thoughts escaping Ianto’s brain.
“I need you to babysit,” Rhiannon said, and Ianto frowned.
“What?” Jack mouthed down at him.
“Hang on,” Ianto said to Rhiannon, then pressed the phone to his shoulder awkwardly as Jack sat back a little to look at him. “She wants us to babysit.”
Jack shook his head. “No way. I’ve got plans for you, Mr Jones.”
“Well, you can tell her that,” Ianto hissed at him.
Jack wrenched the phone from Ianto’s grasp. “Hello!” He said, too cheerily down the phone. His left hand was moving in circles across Ianto’s chest while he held the phone with his right. “It’s Jack.”
“Really?” Rhiannon said. Jack could feel the Jones eye roll coming at him through the phone.
“I’m sorry, we can’t babysit. I’ve got plans for Ianto tonight.”
“Jack!” Ianto protested at the same time as Rhiannon shouted in surprise.
“Well,” said Rhiannon, “If that’s more important than babysitting then I suppose I can call Johnny’s mum.”
“It is,” Jack said, then stilled his hand and frowned briefly. “I don’t mean that. We love having the kids-”
Ianto pulled a face at that.
“It’s just that I’ve got your brother pinned semi-naked to my bed and I really can’t let him go. He’s grounded. Not allowed out to play.”
“Jack!” Ianto shouted again. “Give me the phone!”
Jack did, laughing.
“Rhiannon, I’m sorry. Jack’s an idiot.”
Jack raised an eyebrow and then, as though suddenly realising he had the use of both hands again, he reconvened his exploration of Ianto’s skin.
“Does,” Rhiannon hesitated. “Does he really have you pinned to the bed? Actually, don’t answer that! I don’t want to know!”
“We haven’t had much downtime alone lately,” Ianto told her. “Work’s been busy and-”
“It’s fine, Ianto, I’ll call Johnny’s mum. You enjoy yourself.”
She hung up then and Ianto wasn’t sure what to think of being told to enjoy himself by his sister, when enjoying himself quite clearly was referring to the fact that his clearly insane boyfriend was happily molesting him while he was on the phone.
“So,” Jack said, pausing in his exploration, “No babysitting?”
“No babysitting,” Ianto told him with a wicked grin. “But I’m pretty sure that you are the one that’s grounded.” He said, before taking advantage of Jack’s puzzlement to flip them over.
Jack was pinned beneath him again in seconds, and Ianto smirked. “No kids tonight, just you and me. And you’re in so much trouble for what you just said to Rhiannon.”
Ianto dropped his head and bit sharply at Jack’s shoulder. Jack groaned and Ianto smirked, leaning back with a leer. He too groaned moments later, though, when Jack’s phone sounded from the bedside table. Ianto picked it up and thrust it into Jack’s hand. “Turn it off,” he nearly whined.
“It’s Alice,” Jack said, apologetically, and gently pushed Ianto from him. Ianto lay on the mattress watching Jack with a frown.
“Hello Dad,” Alice’s voice came down the phone. “How are you?”
“Okay,” Jack ground out as Ianto reached across the bed and began tracing his hand along Jack’s calf.
“I was wondering, I know it’s short notice, but if I drive to Cardiff tonight can you babysit Steven for me? Mike’s got tickets for this Arts Festival tomorrow and I-”
“Sorry, Alice,” Jack said. “No can do.”
“Work?” Alice asked.
Jack gave Ianto a lecherous stare. “Something like that,” he said. “Sorry.”
He hung up before Alice could even respond. “No babysitting,” he said to his lover, before crawling back across the bed, a predatory look on his face. “Just us. And sex. Lots of sex.”
“Sounds good to me,” Ianto said, a smile on his lips as Jack pounced.
He swore loudly ten minutes later when his phone rang again. Jack cursed and leaned over him to look at the caller ID, his left hand not stopping its exploration of Ianto’s body. “It’s Gwen,” he scowled.
“Answer it,” Ianto said, through gritted teeth. “And tell her where to go.”
Jack lifted the phone to his ear. “We’re not babysitting,” he said immediately as he connected the call.
“I wasn’t going to ask you to-” Gwen’s voice protested, but it was silenced as Jack turned the phone off and threw it unceremoniously across
“Right,” Jack said, “Where was I?”
Ianto smirked up at him. “You were doing things that definitely aren't going to make a child.”